Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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