I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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