dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
