I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
