Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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