WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
