Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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