Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
