Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
