is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
