dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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