i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
