and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
