I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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