Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
