You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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