I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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