Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
