I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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