My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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