Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
