My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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