he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
