My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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