Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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