Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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