Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
