i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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