Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
