flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
