how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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