Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
