you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
