Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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