He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
