either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
