And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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