i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still dying that you shit outside
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
