When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
