Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
