I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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