batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
