i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
