I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
