is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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