he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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