You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
