I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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