Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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