Swine flu. Run for my life!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
