Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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