...so i touched it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
