Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
